Bubbles, Bubbles

This never-ending Winter has trapped us inside for yet another long week. Cabin fever setting in, the girls becoming increasingly antsy, I had to come up with something new for them to do.
Bubbles!
We haven't broken out the bubbles in months! I don't usually like blowing them inside, since they leave soapy, sticky spots all over everything. But I didn't care anymore. We needed something fun to do.
And it was a blast.
Yes. Just a cheap little bottle of bubbles that Hazel got from her Sunday School class kept both girls entertained for a while.
Annabelle had a great time blowing the bubble for Hazel. And Hazel had a great time trying to catch them.
Squeals, giggles, and joy filled the living room.
All because of a tiny bottle of bubbles.
What's better is that Hazel was able to really work on her core strength. Reaching, leaning, and stretching to get the bubbles. It was beautiful.
I had a great time just watching the two of them interact and play so nicely together. These girls absolutely love each other, but it was especially nice to see Annabelle taking the time to patiently blow bubbles to make her baby sister happy.
And she even added a new word to her vocabulary, "buh." Okay. Not quite a word. But when I asked her today if she wanted to do bubbles, she responded with a very emphatic "buh."
Now we are working on encouraging Hazel to stand with her back to the couch, and blowing bubbles for her to reach from a supported standing position. She tolerated this for a little while this morning, but I ran out of bubble solution, and she ran out of patience as I desperately tried to catch the last bit of the bubbles from the container.

Library Book Review

Every week, we try to make it a priority to visit our public library. We always come home with a bag full of anywhere between 7 and 10 books to enjoy together. From board books, to easy readers, and everything in between. Since going to the library and reading stories has become such a big part of our routine, I thought it would be fun to start a new series here on the blog, reviewing our findings.
This week's books:

"Pomelo Explores Colors" by Ramona Badescu; Illustrated by Bengamin Chaud
"A Cars Christmas" (Step Into Reading) by Melissa Laongero; Illustrated by The Disney Storybook Artists
"Lots Of Spots" (Classic Board Book) by Lous Ehlert
"Legos Mixels" by Shari Last
"Animals In Underwear ABC" by Todd Parr
"Blankies" by Carol Thompson
"You Are (Not) Small" by Anna Kang; Illustrated by Christopher Weyant
"Vacation's Over! Return Of The Dinosaurs" by Joe Kulka

Rather than getting into reviewing all of these books, I will just go over our top three of the eight books Our top three favorites were: "Vacation's Over! Return Of The Dinosaurs"; "Blankies"; and "Animals In Underwear ABC".

When we pulled into the parking lot of the library, Annabelle informed me that she wanted to get a book about dinosaurs. And before I even had a moment to look for a Jane Yolen dinosaur book, she had already found "Vacation's Over! Return Of The Dinosaurs." This book, written in a cute couplet-style poem, toys with the idea that dinosaurs never went extinct, but rather went on vacation... to outer space! It was a very playful story with wonderful illustrations, as well as mini-biographies on several different species of dinosaurs on the inside of the covers.
If you know our family, you will know that blankies are a big deal in our house. We always have a mountain of blankets in the living room for everyone to pick off of after dinner, while we all snuggle up on the couch to wind down for bed. Annabelle has no less than 3 blankets on her bed (even in the Summer), and Hazel is following in her footsteps. So this book was very relatable for the girls. Cute, descriptive language makes up this little story about loving and sharing blankies. It was a wonderful read for Hazel.
This next book somehow flew under my "potty humor" radar, despite the title "Animals In Underwear ABC." I'm a big fan of Todd Parr's simple, colorful illustrations, and allowed Hazel to put it in the library bag without one look at the title. But maybe that was a good thing. Annabelle loves reading the book to Hazel, turning the pages, lifting the flaps, and singing the alphabet song. And yes, the underwear part is very silly.
As Hazel is big enough to reach the board books at our library, and is starting to really enjoy reading, I am excited to see what books she chooses next week. Annabelle loves picking books, and reading them together every week, and I look forward to what she wants to read about next week as well.

My New Normal

Before Hazel's diagnosis, my life was relatively normal. I am married to the love of my life, raising two young girls, just under 2.5 years apart. I stay at home with the girls in our town home in the middle of Suburbia, while he works a manual labor job for 50+ hours a week. We attend church on a weekly basis (sometimes more!), where we are active in ministry, both serving and being served.
Normal.
Then my world was rocked with the word "achondroplasia".
My youngest is now considered a special needs child.
Specialists, x-rays, adaptations, therapy, and her future were being discussed in a serious matter.
I reached out to other parents through social media. I never thought I'd be so thankful for Facebook and Instagram. The other moms I talked to seemed to be so casual about their children's diagnoses. It seemed so normal for them. I went through the "this is the stuff that happens to other people" feeling over and over again. It didn't feel real. It didn't feel normal.
It felt strange. I wondered if her x-rays got mixed up with another child's. Maybe she's just really short. Like, really, really short. I knew though, that those thoughts were untrue. Hazel has achondroplasia. Just like she has red hair. It's a part of her.
In the end, Hazel is still Hazel. Nothing has changed about her. We just got to know her a little better.
And she is little and loving it.

One

And just like that, she's one.
So here's a little bit about our joyful little girl.

And of course, Hazel is little & loving it!

Hazel Update

For those of you asking how Hazel's appointments went last week:
1. Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. It is easy to feel alone as a "special needs" mom. It means so much to me to know that so many people care about and love my girls so much.
2. Annabelle's behavior and patience through the morning was amazing! After a long car ride, late dinner, early morning, unfamiliar meals, and being away from home, we were prepared for the worst. But she gave us her best. We were in appointments from 8:30-11:30. Not once did she whine or complain. In fact, she was very curious, and excited to see Hazel's x-rays. Maybe we have a future x-ray technician on our hands?
3. I cannot say enough about the Ronald McDonald House! There was a moment when we thought they wouldn't have a room available for us, but they offered a room voucher for a nearby hotel since we had booked our room ahead of time. (Because they never know for sure how long a family will need a room, they cannot guarantee room availability). However, they called us back a few hours later, and reconfirmed that we would indeed have a room in the House. While there, the girls were able to enjoy the play rooms, and we were able to enjoy having hot meals provided for us.
4. Hazel's doctors are very happy with what they saw. Hazel's spine looks wonderful, and she is showing no signs of hydrocephalus or other complications related to her Achondroplasia. Yay! They want to see her again in 6 months for another followup.
5. She slept enough during her sleep study to get sufficient data. After screaming, and pulling at the nasal cannula  (used for monitoring oxygen flow) for a full 2 hours, she finally exhausted herself, and slept until 5am, only waking 2 or 3 times when she lost her pacifier. This time around, I personally slept better than her last sleep study, as I knew more of what to expect.

All that being said, we had a very wonderful trip to Delaware. We even got to meet with another LP family for a playground play-date.

Used with permission from http://www.aisforadelaide.com

11 Months

10 months, 3 weeks, 2 days to be exact.
That's how long it took for strangers to notice Hazel's small stature.
When we first began sharing her diagnosis with loved ones, we were often asked, "When will it become noticeable?"
I never really knew how to handle the question. I noticed it. Specialists noticed it. Other people in the LP community noticed it.
But now strangers are noticing it. And commenting on it. And asking questions.
We were at our favorite place for lunch, Chick-fil-A as a special mid-week treat. After finishing our meal (rather, after Annabelle ate all her food, as well as half of my nuggets, and most of my fries!), it was time to run, climb, and slide. Annabelle took off ahead of me, ready to play.
I sat on a small bench next to a friend, and put Hazel down to crawl around the floor for a bit.
She scooted and commando-crawled all over the place, as fast as she could. She squealed and giggled the whole time, watching the bigger kids climb and slide. I flashed back to Annabelle at that age. By a year, she was climbing along with the bigger kids, cruising all over the place.
Some of the other Moms who were watching their kids play, commented on Hazel.
"Look at her go!"
"She's quick!"
"So strong!"
"Is she just a peanut? Or just really strong for her age?"
...
There it was.
The height of a 4-month-old, moving around like an 8-month-old.
But nearing her 1st birthday.
"Well, she's almost 11 months."
Suddenly the comments regarding her strength and speed seemed to fall from the air and shatter into a million little pieces. She isn't quick or strong for a typical 11-month-old.
While my eyes never left Hazel, careful that she didn't get stepped on or tripped over by the gaggle of preschoolers around her, I could feel the awkwardness in the air.
11 months old? She should be practically walking by now. She's so small.
"She has a form of dwarfism, so she's very short for her age."
I didn't go into detail about her low tone, or delayed physical development.
I just didn't know what to say.
Yes, she's  peanut. But there's so much more to it than just that.
There is so much to HER than just that.
Hazel is a little comedian. Hazel doesn't let anything stand in her way. Hazel is a very happy little girl.
Hazel is little and loving it!

On The Move

I haven't made time for writing these past few weeks, so I thought I would give a little Hazel update.
She's crawling!

Sort of. It's more like an Army crawl, bear crawl combo. I honestly didn't believe it when I first saw it. I thought it was a fluke. There's no way my baby is crawling already at 8 months!
Sure enough, as the days passed, it became more evident that my little Hazelnut is indeed mobile. I love watching her get up on hands and feet, rocking herself back and forth, finally pushing her little body forward for the toy that is just out of reach. She squirms the right side of her body forward, the the left, and right again. Nothing is safe anymore. Once she reaches her desired toy, she grabs hold of it, and effortlessly flips to her back, bringing the treasure in for a taste.

Just three months ago, she was barely holding her head up. She would only roll over when her neck became wearie, and her head flopped over to one side.
Just one month ago, she was laying on her tummy, bringing one arm out from under her (being supported only by her other arm) to reach for toys.
And now this.
Hazel is a very determined little girl, and I am so proud of her hard work.
Sunday night, she spied a standing toy that she wanted to play with at church. My heart broke a little as I thought she wouldn't be able to play with it.
But she didn't know that.
She wriggled her little self across the room to the toy. There was a spinning rattle piece with colorful beads that was so inviting to her.

She moved closer and closer, until she was almost under the toy.
She reached one arm up, then the switched to the other.
Stretching as much as her elbows would allow, she finally got it!
She laid there, spinning the rattle, watching the colorful beads dance around.
Never underestimate your children.
Never doubt what they are able to do.
Sometimes, it's best to sit back and watch. Let them figure it out.
Hazel is very determined to do whatever she wants.
And Hazel is little and loving it!
P.S. Be sure to check out the Facebook Page for more photos and videos!

Why I Write

When I was in first grade, I misspelled my first word on a spelling test. Dinosaur. I had never misspelled a word on a test before, and rarely have I misspelled a word on a test since that moment.
When I was in third grade, I was given a free-writing assignment. I chose to write about a recent dream I had. I remember becoming so engrossed in the assignment, that the time allotted was not sufficient for me to finish my story.
In tenth grade, I loved vocabulary assignments. I loved learning new words, and writing elaborate, poetic sentences on the white board.
Writing has always been a passion of mine.
But as I got older - and busier - I stopped making time to write. I also felt like I had nothing to write about. I read other blogs and thought, "I'm not an expert at anything. Nobody will want to read my blog."
Because, let's face it, I actually want people to read what I write.
Any other blog I've read is written by experts. Expert photographers. Expert designers. Expert chefs. Expert home organizers. I'm not an expert in any of those areas.
I was facing major writer's block.
Then we were blessed with Hazel.
I realized that my area of expertise is my own home. My own children.
Raising a child with a developmental difference can be stressful at times. Hazel came with her own bag of parental concerns. Is she holding her head up steadily enough? Should she be as physically active as she is? Is her back okay? When was the last time I checked her soft spot? When is her next checkup? Can this concern wait until we see the doctor next? Is that a concern for her pediatrician? Geneticist? Orthopedist? And the list goes on.
In this whirlwind of confusion, I have been blessed by other Mom bloggers who have been where I am now. I have become part of a wonderful community of parents who are going through the same struggles (and joys!).
Social media has been a helpful tool for myself and my family through these past months.
Writing has become an outlet for myself, as well as an educational tool for others (I hope!).
I don't have all the answers. I don't know everything there is to know about raising a child with achondroplasia. But I am learning.
God blessed me with a special little girl for a special purpose. And I'm not about to sit back, and let my gift go to waste.
Through this blog, I hope to educate, bless, and connect.
I am not an expert photographer, designer, chef, or home organizer. (That last one makes me laugh!)
But I am an expert at being Mommy to Annabelle and Hazel.
And that is a good enough reason to write.
Thank you all for joining my journey, and I hope you always leave blessed.

Here's just a fun little picture of me with my girls on Cow Appreciation Day.

The Power Of A Smile

Summer is my busiest time of the year. Since Annabelle was a baby, I have babysat through the Summer months. Having children in the home who are in different age groups can be a challenge. This Summer has been no exception. This week has been no exception. This is the first year that I have three different age groups in my home: Hazel, being a very needy infant; Annabelle, being an independent pre-schooler; and this year, Gretchen (name has been changed for protection, since she is not my child). Gretchen is 6 years old, so that gives me my third age-group. School-aged.

So we have three very different sets of needs, schedules, and interests.

We have managed so far with walks, visits to parks, and reading books from the library.

This week, Gretchen has been at day camp!

Great. I will be loaded up, and out of the house by 9am every day, ready to run my errands. Then I can come home for swimming, lunch, and naps.

Hah!

Who was I kidding? It's been more like: running out to the van, racing against the clock, breakfast half-eaten and shoved in my bag, jamming more into my morning than I accomplish in an average week, late lunch, and fighting an over-tired pre-schooler down for her afternoon nap, praying she doesn't wake the sleeping infant in the next room.

Three days in, and three out of four of us simultaneously ran out of steam.

I struggled to get out of bed by 7:15, Annabelle struggled to follow simple directions, and Gretchen struggled to get excited for camp.

We talked in the van about how much fun she would have with all of her friends, but I wasn't getting anywhere with either of the two girls.

If I didn't figure something out fast, we were in for a long, grumpy day.

So I did what any Mom would do in this situation.

I cranked up the radio, and danced like a fool at a stoplight. I I think I embarrassed the girls, as they begged me to stop.

"I'm not stopping until you both give me a great big smile!"

Finally, they cracked. Big, bright smiles crossed their faces, as they started to giggle.

Then Annabelle said something insightful.

"Smiling makes me happy."

Wow.

So simple, and so true.

Smiling makes me happy.

If we would all wake up, and greet the sun with a smile, our mornings would go much more smoothly.

I held onto those words for the rest of our day, as we smiled through a near-empty gas tank, late lunch, and rough nap routine.

We all need to smile more.

Because smiling makes you happy.

Children can be out best philosophers, as they have the freshest, most innocent view of their world. They don't add caveats to their thoughts, or complicate them in feeble attempts to be poetic. They are just straight-forward and simple.

Smiling makes me happy.

Sleep Study

Once Hazel was diagnosed, our first order of business was to schedule a sleep study. Sleep study? She's the better sleeper between her and Annabelle. She has slept through the night since birth. There's nothing wrong with her sleep. Or is there?
The questions and doubt flooded my heart. She sometimes snores, especially when she's in her car seat. And she does that funny thing with her head to open her airways. Maybe she's sleeping too soundly. Maybe I'm sleeping too soundly. Maybe, maybe, maybe....
Deep breaths.
Count back from ten...
Nine...
Eight....
I can do this.
Seven...
Six....
Five....
One day at a time.
Four....
Three...
One step at a time.
Two...
One...
Okay. I can do this. We can do this. We will do this.
I had no idea what to expect as the day approached. I Googled, Facebooked, and did my research. I read blogs about other experiences with sleep studies. I saw pictures of other babies hooked up to all the sensors and wires. In doing so, I mentally placed Hazel in those hospital cribs, with the scratchy sheets and gauze wrapped around her face, wires surrounding her tiny body My heart broke. I was still at a loss.
The weeks passed, and the day quickly arrived for us to load up, and travel back to Delaware. Annabelle was so excited, as her and Daddy were going to sleep in a "princess bed " at the Ronald McDonald House. I was to stay with Hazel through her sleep study.
We had an appointment with the pulmonologist in the afternoon, which set my heart and mind at ease. The team at Nemours was friendly and welcoming once again. I cannot say enough for the staff there. Every person in that building greeted us with smiles, answering any questions, and extinguishing any concerns we had.
After we finished up with the pulmonologist, we took advantage of the beautiful weather and the playground. Annabelle was getting antsy, after being stuck in the car all morning, then playing quietly through Hazel's appointment. She was excited to have a chance to run, climb, slide, and swing her energy out.
Before long, we had dinner, and headed back to the hospital. Hazel took a catnap as we navigated the halls towards the sleep center. I got myself turned around at one point, and was helped by a kind maintenance worker, who pointed me in the right direction.
The room was plain. Nothing special about it. A couch on one side, a bed on the other, and a crib in the middle. It was all set up, waiting for Hazel.
This is it.
She was rather tolerant of the wires as they were glued to her hair and face. The technician wrapped a roll of gauze around her head and face to hold all the sensors in place, and wrapped more sensors around her torso. She looked a little silly, with her face all scrunched, peeping out of the gauze wrap. She didn't seem to mind at all.
She nursed.
And fell asleep.
And just like that, the study began.
She only woke a few times, and was settled back down without needing to be held, or nursed again. She really was a champ through the whole procedure.
6:30am came around, and the study was over, just as quickly as it began.
She was cleaned up and sent on her way.
That's it? We're done?
"We will have your results in about two weeks," we were told.
Two weeks? I  have to wait another two weeks to find out if my baby is breathing in her sleep?
When we received the results of the study, we were told that she showed no signs of central sleep apnea. In other words, she's not holding her breath in her sleep. This can be common in achondroplastic children, and can signify bigger proplems. Whew! However, she did experience some obstructive sleep apnea. Snoring. Her airways are so tiny, that any slight inflammation, irritation, or even a little boogery nose, can affect her breathing more than an average child. It wasn't bad enough to cause a need for a CPAP machine, but she was prescribed a few medications to help clear up her airways. She will also have a follow-up study in November, to see she is doing.
Yup. We get to go through it again.
But this time, I know more of what to expect.
Yes, she will be older. Yes, she will probably put up a fight next time. No, it will not be fun.
But it's in November.
Today, I am dealing with today.
Today, she is learning to roll, and reach for toys.
Today, she is starting to babble, and blow raspberries.
Today, she is smiling all the time.
Today, I am choosing to live in the present.
One day at a time.

Though she be but little...

She is fierce!
When friends hear about Hazel's achondroplasia, I get a variety of reactions - from curiosity, to sorrow, and everything in between. I know it's only natural to  feel sorry. But you don't have to. In fact, I implore you not to feel sorry. To feel sorry for her, is to suggest that something is wrong with her. I want to tell you this: nothing is wrong with Hazel. Her bones just grow differently than yours or mine. She is not sick. She is not in pain. She will do wonderful things. And guess what? She will also fail in life. Because she is human.
When we got the official word of Hazel's diagnosis, we were not in shock. We were not in denial. We had already done our research, and come to the conclusion on our own, that she probably had a form of dwarfism, and it was most likely achondroplasia. But that's not to say that we never felt the emotions any parent goes through when hearing such news. We were lucky enough to go through the emotions in the weeks leading up to her diagnosis.
The most prominent stage I went through was denial. I had the "this kind of stuff only happens to other people" thoughts. I even felt crazy for thinking my child had achondroplasia. I tried convincing myself that she was just short, and would eventually even out. When I looked at pictures of her big sister, Annabelle as a newborn, I thought Annabelle looked different. Not Hazel. Annabelle was long and thin, with skinny little arms and legs, and long fingers. But Annabelle looked more like other babies. Hazel has always been more plump, with short limbs.
But I never felt soul-crushing sorrow, because I know these two truths: God made Hazel; and God doesn't make mistakes. Psalm 139:13-18 tells us this:

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
¹⁶ Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

Wow! That passage is filled with such beautiful truths. I pray that both of my girls cling to these truths, and hold onto the promises of God.
I know that when God created Hazel, and chose to make her different, he did so for a purpose. I am so excited to see what that purpose will be.
But for now, I just know that Hazel it little and loving it.

Summer

After the brutally cold Winter we endured, I refuse to allow myself to be a couch potato this Summer. It has been way too cold, for way too long, to waste time watching PBS Kids all day.
So I made a list for my oldest. With the help of some suggestions from friends, I came up with a long list of fun activities to do before Summer is over. Having a preschooler can be a challenge, but the busier she is, the less trouble she gets into. Annabelle is excited to check off each task on our list: from learning to swim, to writing to missionaries, we will never be bored.
After making my list, I wrote down the things we can do inside (build a book fort, bake a treat and deliver it to a friend) on index cards, and put them into a bucket. I then wrote the words "It's raining, it's pouring, but today won't be boring". This is our Rainy Day Bucket. We can use the ideas when the weather is too rainy or just plain miserable to go outside.
My list also includes activities that can be accomplished in an afternoon: "make lunch for a friend", and "make homemade ice cream", as well as activities that will take much of the Summer to accomplish: "learn to pedal a bike", and "count to 30".
Some of the activities involve meeting with friends: "try a dish from another country", and "play date at Jumpin' Jacks", while others allow for one-on-one time between us: "build a book fort", and "learn to write my name".
Some of our activities are educational, and others are just plain fun.
No matter what activity we choose to check off the list in a given day, I'm sure this Summer will be one to remember.
Added bonus: most of the activities are free, or almost free.
What are some of your favorite things to do in the Summer? What do you hope to accomplish this Summer?
I encourage you all to make Summer Fun Lists (even if you don't have kids). Feel free to share them below.
As always, thanks for reading and sharing.

Hazel Autumn

November 29th. 3am. I did not wet the bed. My water broke. My world is about to change in ways I would never imagine. The day before was an unusual Thanksgiving Day. I was hoping to have given birth already, so I had enjoyed my Thanksgiving feast in the weeks prior. Tad and I enjoyed a turkey chicken dinner at home, along with our oldest, Annabelle. Later that evening, we ventured out to people-watch, and kick off the Christmas shopping season. I was hoping against all hope that I would somehow magically induce labor by walking all over Wal-Mart and Target. All I got was hungry. We pulled into the hospital parking lot shortly after 6am, after enjoying a small breakfast. It was too early, I was too anxious, to eat. Twelve hours later, Hazel was still cozied up inside, not wanting to make her grand entrance until she was good and ready. Her grand entrance finally arrived around 8pm. After a few pushes, the doctor instructed me to stop pushing. Stop pushing? Are you kidding me? I have waited too long to stop pushing. I want to meet my baby girl. The cord was wrapped around her neck. I was paralyzed with fear. Don't cough. Don't sneeze. Don't tense up. Don't breathe! I was afraid that any wrong move would tighten the cord. I prayed. The cord was clamped, cut, and loosened from her neck. My sweet baby was placed on my chest, and I was flooded with emotions. She was perfect in every way. 7 pounds, 15 ounces. 18 inches long. Beautiful. A full head of reddish hair. She was silent. No screams. No cries. Nothing. My heart raced. A lump the size of a basketball formed in my throat. Why isn't she screaming? Why is she purplish? Why are they taking her away? After what felt like an eternity of back-thumping, suctioning, and oxygen, tiny gurgle sounds came from her. Hazel Autumn. I was heartbroken when they had to take her back to the nursery immediately, rather than being bundled up to cozy up to my chest. Hours later into the evening, my squeaky clean, chubby, perfect bundle was delivered to my room. Hazel Autumn. I looked at her. Her button nose. Her chubby thighs. Her chubby arms. Her large head. "I forget how short babies' arms and legs can be," I remember commenting to Tad. Also, "She's a full pound heavier than her sister was. And a few inches shorter." We would later find out just why she was so short. Why her limbs were so disproportionate compared to the rest of her body. Why her head was large. We would later find out that Hazel has Achondroplasia. Dwarfism. Hazel is little and loving it.